Your Guardian Angel
by Jenna822
Summary: *Song Fic - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus* Remus and Sirius have had a complicated relationship, but their love can never die. *Remus/Sirius* Cᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ.


**Your Guardian Angel**

**.**

Rain pounded loudly on the roof of the Shrieking Shack, the drops seeped through the cracked ceilings and dripped down onto the broken floorboards and torn walls. Sirius pulled the blanket higher around Remus' shoulders to keep his friend from being hit with the water. He looked up at the other two boys in the room and gave them a tight, worried smile. James smiled back, his own just as worried, and walked over behind Sirius. He dropped his hands to the boy's shoulders and gave them a comforting squeeze. Peter hung his head and stayed seated on the floor, leaning against the wall. He shifted nervously and glanced at the other boys out of the top of his eyes.

James looked down at Sirius' leg, which was wrapped tightly in a shirt to keep his blood from dripping onto the ground. He took a deep breath and met Sirius' eyes. "You should go on up to the castle and have the nurse patch you up properly," he whispered.

Sirius shook his head and pressed his hand tightly against the wound. "No. I can wait until he wakes up. It'll be fine," he whispered back.

James sighed and rolled his eyes at his friends stubbornness. "Sirius, you can see him after. You need to get that fixed."

"You fixed it fine, James. I'll be alright. It can wait." Sirius looked back at the sleeping boy on the broken old mattress. He traced his fingers through the trails of blood seeping through the blanket and closed his eyes.

"I'm rubbish at healing, Padfoot. Please, just go," James pleaded with him. When Sirius shook his head, James threw up his arms and walked towards the door. "Have it your way. The rain stopped, so we'll be heading up to the castle now." He signaled for Peter to follow him.

Peter stood up, avoiding Sirius' eyes, and followed James through the shack and out of the tunnel. Sirius stared at the empty doorway long after the boys were gone. Remus stirred on the bed, drawing his attention back. He brushed his hand over the boy's shoulder and smiled down at him when he opened his eyes.

Remus smiled up at Sirius and tried to sit up. He winced in pain as the night caught up with him. His muscles were sore and the rips across his body stung, making tears flood his eyes. He laid back down and closed his eyes. His body started to shake from only having the thin, worn blanket to shield him from the chill in the air.

_when I see your smile tears run down my face_

_I can't replace_

_and now that I'm stronger I've figured out_

_how this world turns cold and breaks through my soul_

_and I know I'll find deep inside me_

_I can be the one_

Sirius scooted away from Remus and grabbed his clothes. He handed them to Remus and watched as the boy forced his aching body to sit up right. His eyes fell to Remus' chest, where a long, fresh gash was caked with dried, sticky blood, threatening to burst open with each move he made. Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius and grinned.

"Turn around, Padfoot," Remus said, quietly, trying not to laugh.

Sirius did as he was told, turning his back to Remus and dropping his eyes to his lap. Remus pulled the blanket away and got to his feet to pull on his pants. He wiped the tears off of his face before telling Sirius he could look again. Sirius turned back and watched as his friend tried to pull on his shirt.

"Let me help you," Sirius sighed. He pushed himself to his feet, resting his weight on his uninjured leg. He ignored the look of horror on Remus' face as he pulled the boy's shirt over his shoulders and buttoned it for him. "I'm fine, Moony, don't look at me like that."

"You are not fine," Remus snapped, pushing Sirius to to sit back down on the bed. "How did it happen? I know last night was bad, but I didn't think it was this bad." He leaned over and pulled the shirt away from Sirius' leg to see it and clapped his hand over his mouth.

"It looks worse than it is. I'll be fine. It was my own fault." Sirius pulled Remus' hands away and covered his leg back. "I got to close to that blasted tree. It's my fault that you had a bad night. I'm sorry."

Remus shook his head in disbelief. "I don't understand. Wh-what happened? I remember we were all running the grounds, early night, but then..." He trailed off, not knowing how the rest of the night went.

"I got hit by the willow. It knocked me almost out cold. I shifted back to human and freaked out when I got up. I couldn't concentrate on turning back into the dog and...well, I wasn't quick enough." Sirius hung his head.

"I chased you?" Remus cried out. He grabbed his hair with both hands and shook his head frantically. "Damn it, Sirius. I could have killed you, or worse, bitten you!" He dropped onto the bed next to Sirius and pulled him into a tight hug, not caring about the pain that shot through his body. "That settles it, you guys aren't coming anymore," he said, curtly as he clung to his friend.

"Don't talk that way, Moony." Sirius pulled away and locked his eyes on Remus'. "It wasn't your fault, it was mine. I swear I'll be more careful. You need us."

Remus swallowed hard and smiled at Sirius when he reached forward and wiped the tears from his eyes. He grabbed onto Sirius' hand as it was leaving his face and squeezed it. "I'll be okay alone. If things had gone worse last night I -"

"Shush," Sirius interrupted. "You need us to keep you from ripping yourself apart. You can tell those two they can't come, but I'm not going to abandon you."

Remus closed his eyes and shook his head. "What if you get...really hurt?"

"It's my life to risk, Remus." Sirius brushed Remus' hair out of his face, letting his fingers linger a bit longer than needed in the strands. "I'm willing to risk it, for you," he whispered. He dropped his hand and turned his face away.

_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_even if saving you sends me to Heaven_

Remus stood up and lifted Sirius to his feet, putting his arm around his shoulder.

"No, Moony, you're hurt too. I can walk." Sirius tried to pull away, but Remus held firm.

"Let me help you, Padfoot." Remus met his eyes and smiled. "Let me help you for once." He helped him into the tunnel and out onto the school grounds.

The boys made their way slowly across the grounds, careful not to slip in the wet grass. They moved towards the castle, clinging to each other for support. Just before they reached the school door, Sirius pulled them to a stop. Remus looked over at him with confusion and opened his mouth to question the stop.

Sirius held up his hand to keep Remus from speaking. "I wanna do something before I have the chance to get all scared about it." He smiled at the even more confused look on Remus' face and took his free hand into his own. "I love you, Moony," he whispered.

Remus raised his eyebrows and smirked at Sirius. "It's about damn time you admitted it," he said with a small laugh.

Sirius gaped at Remus and made a scoffing sound. "What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, flinging away Remus' hand. The smile on Remus' face told him everything he needed to know. The secret he had been keeping from everyone was apparently not as well hidden as he thought. "You already knew?"

"How could I not know?" Remus asked, rolling his eyes. He pulled Sirius to start walking again. "You talk in your sleep. After the third night of hearing you confess your love, I started to get the feeling that it wasn't an isolated dream." He gave a quiet laugh and helped Sirius up the stairs leading to the entrance hall.

"Well," Sirius said, after the following silence was too much to bear.

"Well what?" Remus asked. He shook his head, laughing at Sirius' stunned face. "Do you really need me to tell you how I feel? I thought it was obvious."

"Yes, I need you to tell me." Sirius gave a small nod and stared at Remus, expectantly.

Remus brushed his hand through Sirius' hair and pressed their foreheads together. "I love you," he whispered, staring into his eyes.

_it's okay_

The rest of the seventh year felt like a blur to the Marauders, especially Remus and Sirius, who spent most of it looking into each other's eyes, sneaking away to kiss and holding hands in the corridors. It was awkward at first, but soon enough, James and Peter got used to seeing the curtains closed around Sirius' bed and Remus' empty.

_it's okay_

After school, Remus moved into Sirius' apartment with him. Peter went home to stay with his parents. James' dad got him an apartment, which Lily moved into soon after. James and Lily's wedding was small, times were too dangerous for large gatherings, but it was beautiful. Sirius stood, dutifully, by James' side as he pledged his eternal love to Lily. Their wedding gift from James' parents was a small house in Godric's Hollow.

_it's okay_

James' parents passed away shortly after the wedding, leaving James in a rather bad place. The news of Lily's pregnancy managed to pull him from his constant state of tears and anger. His depression had caused Peter to feel quite dejected and he found solace on the side of the Dark Lord.

Dark times were weighing heavy on everyone. The Order kept everyone busy, most of all Sirius, who seemed to be volunteering for every mission offered. It didn't take long for this behavior to put a strain on his and Remus' relationship. Remus grew distant, he was never one to call Sirius on his actions. Rather than talk about the distance that was forming between them, they made themselves sick with neglect and accusatory thoughts.

Soon, they began to lose trust in one another and the day that Remus received news of Sirius' betrayal, he wasn't surprised. It ripped him apart inside, but he felt no shock, no hesitation in believing it to be true. He took nothing but what he had on when he left the apartment. Every book, every pillow, every plate, even his own clothes were torturous reminders of the life he had with Sirius.

_seasons are changing_

_and waves are crashing_

_and stars are falling all for us_

Sirius spent the first week of his incarceration screaming. He would scream of his innocence to anyone within hearing range. He would scream even if he wasn't sure they could hear, even when he was sure they could not. He screamed until his voice was gone and tried even still. The Dementors' effect was wearing him down, making him weak, making him feel as though he were going mad.

He held tight to one thought. His innocence. He knew that he couldn't stay in prison, not while everyone thought that he had betrayed James and Lily. Surely, he thought, that Remus would never believe him guilty. He would drift in and out of sleep without noticing. Days lost all meaning to him. After a few years, he gave up hope that Remus would prove his innocence and free him.

Eventually, his mind was a mere shadow of what he once was. All he could hang on to was the desperate need to prove his innocence, not just to the world, but to Remus. He would often have pangs in his stomach as he thought about how he had pushed away his love for the satisfaction of feeling useful in the war. He would become sick all over his cell every time he remembered the fact that he had thought Remus to be the spy in the Order. He couldn't eat for days at a time because of the shame his heart felt. He would fix it. He knew he could. He had to.

As the years wore on, he held tight to his last strand of sanity. His time came and he was free. The nightmares were worse outside of the prison, that came as a surprise to him. He would thrash on the ground and scream into the darkness. His body would wake, bruised and shredded. He visited, as a dog, some of Remus' old haunts, but saw no trace of the man there. He put aside the idea of finding him first and decided that Harry's protection was more important than his own selfish needs.

One night, under the light of the full moon, he made his way across the grounds of Hogwarts. Simple scouting, trying to see what he was up against. As dawn broke, he headed back towards the forest. His heart stopped beating when his eyes fell over the Whomping willow. Remus was coming out of the tunnel, heading for the school. Sirius had to bite down on his own front leg to keep from charging across the grounds and jumping into his arms.

_days grow longer and nights grow shorter_

_I can show you I'll be the one_

Sirius made sure to stand guard outside of the Shrieking Shack every moon after that. He would watch Remus through a crack in the boards of the wall. Watch as he settled onto the old mattress and made his change. He was happy that there had been a potion developed to keep the change from addling the man's mind during his wolf. He had to bury his head in his paws every morning, for the sight of Remus' bloody, beaten body was too much for him to stand. Every time Remus cried, he cried. At first, he though it was the pain from ripping that had Remus crying in the mornings, until he heard it.

"Sirius, it's too hard without you," Remus whispered as he pulled on his shirt and buttoned it.

_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_even if saving you sends me to Heaven_

Remus had never felt so ashamed of himself as he did the night that they outed Peter from his life as a house pet. He couldn't bring himself to look into Sirius' eyes, his stomach was turning, violently, at the thought of what Sirius went through in prison. He couldn't shake the thought that if he had tried, even the slightest bit, he could have proven Sirius innocent. He was sick at the thought that he, himself, believed his love to be guilty of betrayal and murder. His change that night was torturous, worse than any he had experienced before. His mind was trapped and he felt imprisoned in his own body. All he could think upon waking the next morning was, 'serves me right'.

Sirius was able to escape his fate at the mouth of the Dementors, thanks to Harry and his friend. He stayed out of sight of humanity, living out of a cave far from Hogwarts. Remus knew that after what happened in the Shrieking Shack, Snape would make sure his job was terminated. He didn't wait for the owls or the insistence of the parents to take his leave from his short lived career as a Professor. He sought out Sirius before even returning to the run down old house his grandparents left him upon their death.

Desperate for a shower and a meal that hadn't been moving less than ten minutes before it was eaten, Sirius accepted Remus' invitation to come back to his home. He stood under the scalding hot water of the shower for what had to have been at least two hours, before stepping out and reaching for a towel. The towel moved from under his fingers just as his hand reached it. He looked up, wiping the water from his eyes, and stared at Remus, who was holding the towel open.

Remus wrapped the towel around Sirius' shoulders and stepped up behind him. He rubbed his hands over his shoulders in a small attempt at helping him dry off. Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and grabbed onto Remus' hands. He pulled the man's arms around him and leaned back into him. Remus tightened his hold around Sirius' chest and pressed his face into his neck, breathing in the scent that had remarkably not changed in thirteen years.

"Remus, I'm so sorry," Sirius whispered, tears streaking down his face.

"I'm sorry too, Sirius. So sorry. How can you just forgive me so easily like this?" Remus pushed his face further into the man's neck and let out a choking sob.

_'cause you're my_

_you're my, my_

_my true love, my whole heart_

_please don't throw that away_

Sirius had his first night without interruption of nightmares since he had gone to prison. The sight of Remus' sleeping face when he opened his eyes the next morning, brought a smile to his lips. He reached up and pushed his fingers through the man's hair and scooted closer against his body. He tugged the blanket off of Remus' bare shoulder and pressed his lips to it, gently. Remus fluttered his eyes open and pulled Sirius into his arms. They laid in silence for hours, simply listening to each other breathe and lightly brushing their fingertips over each other's arms. When Sirius' stomach made itself known, Remus crawled out of the bed and insisted on making him a huge stack of pancakes.

Sirius sat at the kitchen table and watched as Remus moved around the kitchen, mixing batter and pouring it onto the hot pan. "Why don't you just use your wand?" he asked, with a smirk.

Remus turned and stared at him with shock. "You want me to use magic? Why Sirius, wasn't it always you that said the best things are those you have to work for?" He eyed him wearily and shook his head. "You can wait. They'll be ready in just a minute." He smiled lovingly and turned back to his work. He pulled the pancakes onto a plate and slid it in front of Sirius. "Here, Padfoot."

Sirius looked up at Remus with tears in his eyes. "I haven't heard that in so long," he whispered. "Say it again, please."

Remus smiled and gave him a confused look. "You mean Padfoot?"

Sirius nodded and pulled Remus into his lap. He wrapped his arms tightly around the man's waist and pressed their foreheads together. "I have to leave after I eat these. You know that, right?"

"What?" Remus jumped up and stared down at Sirius, horror struck. "You can't leave. I won't let you."

Sirius held up his hands and sighed loudly. "Moony...Moony, I haven't said that in years."

"Then stay here and say it a lot more. Sirius, you can't go. Where the hell would you go anyways? Back to that damn cave? I won't let you," Remus growled, slamming his fist on the table.

"I can't stay. The whole country is looking for me, don't you get that. If the ministry finds me here, it won't just be me under one of those Dementors." Sirius stood up and grabbed Remus' shoulders, forcing him to turn and be face to face. "I won't let you risk yourself so that I can shower."

Remus shook his head and put his arms around Sirius' neck. "Padfoot, it's my life to risk. I'm willing to risk anything for you. I lost you once and I don't want you to go. I couldn't stand it if you left again. Please, stay here. I need you."

Sirius stared into Remus' eyes and nodded slowly. He pulled Remus closer and closed his hands around his back. He rocked him gently and rubbed his back. "I won't leave you again, Moony."

_'cause I'm here for you_

_please don't walk away and please tell me you'll stay, stay_

_use me as you will pull my strings just for a thrill_

_and I know I'll be okay though my skies are turning grey_

As the full moon drew upon them, Remus was looking more sickly than the prison worn Sirius was. He stayed in bed for most of the day before the nights moon was due. Sirius carried a tray into the room, wanting him to eat, but Remus simply sat it to the side. Night neared and Remus pulled out one of his potions. He grimaced as the thick, foul tasting liquid slid down his throat. He chased it with a shot of Fire Whiskey, shocking Sirius to the point of laughter.

"Shush, you. It helps. That stuff taste awful and this is all that will get the flavor out of my mouth." Remus pushed on Sirius' shoulder as he made his way towards the second bedroom in the house. He pushed open the door and stepped into the room, which held nothing more than a mattress laying directly on the floor.

Sirius followed Remus into the room, fighting against the man who was trying to push him back out. "What are you doing? I'm staying in here with you."

"No, I'd rather you not. Sirius, I've been doing this alone for so long now, I don't know what would happen with you here. I'm scared." Remus shook his head and tried once more to shove Sirius back out of the room.

"Too bad. I'm staying," Sirius said, giving Remus a defiant stare. "I've watched you for the last year and it seems perfectly safe. Much more safe than when we were in school. I can't sit outside that door and wait all night. I'm staying. End of." He crossed his arms over his chest.

Remus sighed heavily, knowing he had been beat. "Fine, but if you get hurt, don't cry to me in the morning," he mumbled, as he slammed the door closed. He latched the multiple locks on the inside of the door and pulled the chain across it. He crossed to the window and double checked the security of his boards before falling down onto the mattress and putting his arms behind his head.

Sirius fell onto the bed next to him and smiled. "There's still an hour before the moon rises," he whispered.

"Yeah, I know. I always come early just in case," Remus answered, dismissively.

Sirius dropped one arm around Remus' waist and rolled him to look at his face. "I said, we still have an hour before the moon rises," he whispered, raising his eyebrows at Remus, who finally understood what Sirius was hinting at.

_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_even if saving you sends me to Heaven_

After a few months of living with Remus, Number Twelve Grimmauld Place became the property of Sirius. He moved in, reluctantly, on the bequest of Dumbledore. Neither him nor Remus was too happy at being separated, but they understood the need for Sirius to be somewhere more secretive. Remus tried to spend as much time as he could at the house with Sirius, but Order business was back in full swing, causing him to be out and about more often than he liked. Their nightly sleepovers soon became every other night, then faded to a few nights a week, then cut back to once a week and after four months, Remus wasn't ever sleeping there.

The two of them would cling to each other after Order meetings, desperate for a sliver of time where their lives weren't devoted to business. Remus was growing weary of being constantly sent away on missions, sometimes being forced to stay away from Sirius for a week at a time. Sirius was growing beyond restless and it was starting to become very clear that he couldn't handle staying cooped up inside the house. Remus pleaded with Dumbledore to allow Sirius to return to his house, but his pleas fell on deaf ears. He didn't argue for, just as the others, his loyalty to Dumbledore was strong.

Sirius reached out and grabbed onto Remus' arm as he was heading out of the house late one night after an Order meeting had wrapped up. He pulled him up the stairs and into his bedroom.

"What are you doing, Sirius? You know that I have to go. You heard Dumbledore." Remus' words were saying goodbye, but he wrapped his arms around Sirius and held him tightly. "I hate this, Padfoot. I know things are rough right now, but it'll be okay soon. When this is over, we can finally have some peace."

Sirius hugged Remus tightly against him. "I can't stand it. It almost feels like Dumbledore is being malicious in keeping us apart. Why does he need you to do this stuff? Can't he send someone else, just once?"

"Sirius, you know that my condition makes me more able to handle those people. He isn't trying to hurt us, he is doing the same as we are, trying to win this damn war." Remus pulled back and stared hard into Sirius' eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay. I already talked to him and I won't be going anywhere tomorrow night. I'll be right here, with you."

Sirius' eyes widened and he smiled, slowly. "You promise? Moony, it's killing me being stuck in this bloody house without you. I feel like I'm gonna rip my damn hair out. This is like being in prison all over again."

Remus narrowed his eyes and shook his head. "Sirius, you don't mean that."

"No, I don't. Prison was better, at least I didn't have to look at Snivellus when I was trying to eat in prison." Sirius scoffed and made a sour face.

Remus couldn't help but to burst out into laughter at Sirius' words. "I swear, you are the most stubbornly immature man I have ever met." He pushed Sirius backwards toward the bed and made him sit on it. "I wouldn't want you any other way, either," he added in a whisper. He put his hands on the sides of Sirius' face and brought his lips down onto his. After lingering there for a soft, meaningful kiss, he pulled away and smiled. "I think I can spare an hour for the man I love."

_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_

_I'll be there for you through it all_

_even if saving you sends me to Heaven_

Remus kept his promise to be with Sirius the following night. The two men sat down at the kitchen table, across from each other, drinking Fire Whiskey and laughing about the good old days when they were back in school. They reached their hands across the table and linked their fingers together, smiling giddily from a combination of the drink and the relief to finally have some time together. Sirius stood up and leaned across the table, trying to reach Remus for a kiss. Remus rose up to meet him over the table and the two laughed as they made a sloppy, misplaced attempt of showing their affection. Remus stood up and stumbled towards the kitchen door, pulling Sirius along behind him.

They managed to make it into the living room, before falling to the ground and crawling over to the fireplace. Sirius took out the wand that Dumbledore had gotten for him, though he would never feel right calling it 'his wand' because the thing had not chosen him the way a proper wand should. He pointed the wand at the empty fireplace and instantly, a roaring fire appeared. The two men laid out on the floor in front of it, watching as the flames danced inside of the walls. Sirius pulled Remus' head into his lap and ran his fingers through his hair.

"You know," Sirius slurred out. "It was your hair that made me fall in love with you. Well, it didn't make me fall in love with you, it just helped me figure it out."

Remus looked over at Sirius with confusion. "How did my hair make you see that you loved me?" he asked, blinking rapidly and letting out a small laugh.

"I remember it, I remember it like it was today. Y-you were on that bed in the shack, you had just turned back into yourself and I was covering you with the blanket." Sirius smiled sheepishly and blushed. "I didn't peek," he said with certainty. "That time," he added in a whisper.

Remus' jaw dropped and he laughed loudly at what Sirius had just admitted. He shook his head and settled back into the man's lap. "I had a feeling you peeked at me sometimes, anyways. I was just never sure."

Sirius laughed along with Remus and continued pushing his fingers through his hair. "Anyways," he said, with attitude, "I was saying...I had put the blanket on you and your hair was in your face. So, I brushed it back and I got this really strange feeling in my gut. It was almost painful, it was. It was quick and I thought I was sick, but then it kept happening and I figured out that it was you." He smiled down at Remus and gave a contented sigh. "I was sure when I told you that you were going to be shocked."

"I was shocked, the first time I heard you say it. You were asleep though, so you didn't see what I did." Remus smiled back up at Sirius and moved to lay beside him. "The first time you said anything, you were already in bed, asleep, and I was getting changed. You rolled over and plain as day you said 'I love you, Moony'." He licked his lips and shook his head, smiling at the memory. "I fell over. Seriously, I was trying to put on my pants and I fell flat on my back. I crawled over and looked at you and you were fast asleep."

Sirius laughed again and wrapped his arms around Remus. "You didn't just think it was a dream? You believed it?"

"No, I thought you were dreaming, that time. You just kept doing it though. I couldn't just ignore them all. I didn't say anything to you because I wanted you to say it when you were awake." Remus shifted against Sirius and closed his eyes.

"Hey, Moony, did you mean what you said last night, about us being like this after the war?" Sirius asked, rubbing his hand up and down Remus' arm.

"Of course. When this is all over, we can clear your name and you can come stay with me again. You can sell this nightmare of a house and we can get a place that is just ours." Remus allowed the steady rhythm of Sirius' breathing to put him to sleep.

"That sounds perfect, Moony," Sirius whispered as he put his head back on the floor. He stared into the flames until his eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep as well.

_I will never let you fall_

_I'll stand up with you forever_


End file.
